Do I Look Like I Would Run?

So the other night, douchebag and douche-baguette GF roll up to the bar late evening… a well-dressed Caucasian dude about 45 or so, in a suit jacket, and his younger, well-manicured blonde girl toy.  Both take about 10 minutes of studying the menu before finally ordering.  These folks are not answering when I say “hi, how are you?” or “what can I get for you?”  Whatever.  I continue along offering what I believe is excellent service, brushing off their rudeness.

They wind up with a couple of entrees.  The chick orders vodka and soda, and the dude orders coffee.  I’m nice enough – as is customary.  The bar is not full, but not completely dead either.  These two are complete dicks.  Every interaction is some kind of curt order or no reaction at all – especially Miss DB.  The guy utters something like “this is milk, right? I want cream.”  I politely inform him it’s half-n-half and he’s plows through his coffee happily.  

At some point, near the end of their meal, I wind up spilling a bit of the cream – no biggie.  I apologize and wipe it down with a bar rag.  From my perspective, they had a great meal, service and experience.  Mr. DB scoobies off to take a leak.  Miss DB tells me “…when he comes back, tell him I went out for a smoke” and proceeds to put her jacket on.  Still no biggie right?  It was slow and they were not drinking heavily.  They gave the impresson of being anything but frat-boy college tools and were ordering food.  As a result, I never asked for the customary credit card. 

As Mr. DB is getting back from man-handling his tiny johnson, Miss DB is just finishing putting on her winter duds, for a cancer stick excursion.  Mr. DB decides to join her and tells me as well, “we’re going out for a smoke.” The bar has gotten busier. Their bar area has been cleared with the exception of their waters.  So I politely ask the guy “could you please leave me a card for the tab?”  He grunts, throws down plastic and says “close me out.”  The East Siders step back in after about 5 minutes outside and sign the voucher without a word.  Before picking it up, as they’re getting up to leave I say, “Thanks again! Have a good night.”  

This is what I find In the check presenter…

 

So what exactly do “runners” look like in your elitist eyes, dickhead?  You mean they’re black or Puerto Rican????  They’re 23 years old?  They’re frat boys????  Go back to Le Bernadin you fucking schmuck.  You’d probably be 86′d from there too.  Not only were you an asshole unnecessarily, but now I have to pay taxes on your behalf as well as tip out my staff even though you stiffed me on account of your stupidity, ignorance and self-righteous asshat’ishness – not mine.

True story…  

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