[Me] Hi there! How’s it going? Do you know what you’d like or would you a couple of minutes to look at our drink menu?
[Cute Girl A] I dunno. What do you want?
[Cute Girl B] Uhhh.. uhh…. I dunno. What should we have?
[Me][Pointing to a section on our menu] These are some of our most popular drinks [rattling off suggestions]
[Me] Give me an idea of what you usually drink or like and I can give you some direction. Do you like dry/sweet, creamy, bubbly? Do you like whiskies, dry wines, fruity drinks?
[Cute Girl A] Uhhh… hmm… Crandberry Vodka
[Me] Ah… ok. We don’t have any “Cranberry Vodka.” You’d like a Vodka and Cran? Well, we have vodkas A, B, C, D, and E.
[Cute Girl A] Goose please.
[Cute Girl B] Martini
[Me] OK. Would you like a gin or vodka Martini?
[Cute Girl B] Vodka
[Me][NOTE: Not one woman in 17 years has ever answered this question with a request for gin. Go figure] Which vodka?
[Cute Girl B] Ketel
[Me] Would you like it up or on the rocks? Olives or twist?
[Cute Girl B][as she looks to her partner in crime with a confused pause] No ice – olives. But, MAKE IT STRONG.
[Me][Both hands move to lean on the bar. A blank and ghostly look grows on my face. I stare at her for a good 15 seconds as I summon every ounce of restraint in an effort not slap her upside the head. She stares back like a deer.] You do realize that there is NO MIXER whatsoever in a Martini, right? It’s 100% alcohol. Ma’am, the ONLY way I could make it “stronger” would be to distil a batch of grain alcohol myself.
[Cute Girl B][looks completely confused]
[Me] Can I see your IDs please?
I check their IDs and serve these assclowns their drinks. As you can likely guess from the preceding idiocy, they each proceed to whip out separate credit cards and direct me to close the tabs stat. Mind you, the bar is 3 deep at about 7 or 8pm. I complete my mission as directed and sure enough, they order another round a few minutes later.