Why Cheap Booze Makes Your Hangover So Horrible

Gotta give a shout-out to Gawker media – Jizz…. uh… Gizmodo in particular. My fellow tech brothers (while normally waxing on all things steampunkerrific and modern technoboobery) seem to relish educating their nerd following with an occasional tidbit on – I don’t know – the finer points of professional “imbibery.” Part of me suspects that some of their editorial staff are former Hospitality F.O.H.’ers. Another part of me believes that since they incessantly drop knowledge on all the whizzbang gadgets most folks can’t yet afford, they spend their ginormous salaries performing immensely valuble “field tests” at the neighboring McSwiggans Ale House – all in teh name of science.

I just came across yet another fabulous report of theirs, this time on Hangovers. The why, the who, the when and whatnot. Glad to see yet another popular rag giving it up for my man Bertito of Tito’s Texas Vodka. I gots nothin’ but love for my Texas corn-based hooch. I wish them the best and am thrilled to see their popularity and notoriety growing in NYC. Conversely, and as I’ve written about, Giz gets also gets it right about Georgi Vodka – the only vodka brewed and bottled at the former Chernobyl plant.

Giz essentially focuses on two valid reasons for feeling like shit the day following a massive bender. First, Congeners:

Congeners, also known as fusil oils, are a byproduct of the mash fermentation process. They are, essentially, impurities. There are hundreds of types of congeners, some of which are higher-order alcohols (i.e. non-ethanol) that our bodies can’t really process. Essentially, our bodies treat them as a poison, and a headache is a very common symptom of poison processing. That said, different people may be better or worse at metabolizing and flushing these toxins.

Secondly, it’s booze itself doing the devil’s work – no matter how pure. This is why I ridicule idiots who mistakenly believe they can drink Goose and Soda all night long and never get sick. Those pompous bastards insist on telling off wine and “brown spirits” drinkers, because they believe it’s simply the impurities (a.k.a., Congeners) that make it rain “I feel like shit” the morning after. Bullshit. See here:

Drinking any alcoholic beverage, especially to excess, can lead to a headache and a bad hangover. The root of it all is dehydration. Alcohol is a diuretic. It makes you pee more, which means less water for your internal organs. Your organs then try to borrow water from anywhere they can, including your brain. As your brain dehydrates, it slightly contracts. This strains the connective tissue that holds your brain in your skull, resulting in a screaming headache. In other words, stay hydrated as you drink. Don’t wait for the headache to start coming on. Once you’re suffering, it can be difficult to recover, even if you pound water faster than a round of free shots.

So, head on over and read the entire article by our friends over at Giz and get your learn on, you lushes…

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