Posts by Freddy:
- Ghetto-approved plastic jug: check
- Looks like Dextron III, 100,000-mile antifreeze (and could efficiently substitute as such): check
- Mass produced: check
- Made in third-world, Junta-ruled country with lack of infrastructure and reliably clean water: check
- Supposedly “distilled” and
bottledpackaged by an obscure company: check - Carlo Rossi, Ernest & Julio Gallo approved: check
- Fonzi would drink it: check
- Scale, lime and rust removal
- Porcelain polish
- Temporary blinding agent
- Mix with dish soap to make cheap Napalm
- Efficiently destroys Louse and simultaneously dissolves unwanted hair
- Relieves Constipation
Douglas Tirola’s Hey Bartender – Official Trailer
May 17th, 2013
Oh man! This looks really, really interesting. Not sure how, but I stumbled across this upcoming film this morning and I’m hooked. Can’t wait to see what it’s all about. This is an about to be released, documentary bartending film by Douglas Tirola.
The film’s Facebook page is nothing short of Bartending Nirvana for lifers like me. Check it out.
Stay tuned.
Cocktail Basics: The Long Island Iced Tea
May 14th, 2013
There are a handful of “bro drinks” out there that, when ordered, instantly make me either cringe. The Long Island Iced Tea, frequently referred to as an L-I-T, is near the top of that short list. I haven’t had one since I was maybe 24 (nearly 20 years ago). There’s a good reason: It’s nasty, ghetto, bro‘ish, lacks sophistication, and is generally not a treat for the palate. Furthermore, it’s deceptively far too high in alcohol content to let you enjoy one after the other without (a) upchucking your lunch in colossal fashion or (b) funnin’ the ass of the cute young stranger directly to your left without permission.
Credit Card Voucher Sports: May 2013
May 12th, 2013
Young lady walks into busy bar and sits down at an empty stool.
Proceeds to look only down at iPhone.
Bartender finishes with previous customers, rolls up to her, and spouts his usual:
[Me] Hi there. What can I get for you?
[Chick] I’ll take a Corona – with lime. And oh… can I see a menu?
[Me] Sure.
Idiot Bartender of The Day Award: Albert Bykov
May 7th, 2013
Gotta love the Ruski’s sense of boldness, aye? The former U.S.S.R. collective often seems to embody an environment apparent lawlessness. Or, at least it’s portrayed that way in American media. The nearly ubiquitous Dashcams-Gone-Wild typically document the effects of such an disorganized state of affairs; reminding me of something – not unlike – post-war [former] Yugoslavia. This time, however, it was a semi-intentional stunt-gone-wrong captured via smartphone at an imbibery.
We’re Going Ham With The Mint Julep
May 3rd, 2013
It’s nearly Kentucky Derby time fools! Personally, I don’t give two craps. I’m the anti-hero when it comes to sports. Golf, Horse Racing, and NASCAR make me dry-heave an extra two times with, twisting my gut with extraordinary pain. I know, I know - sacrilege, right? Especially for a bartender and a dude! I couldn’t care any less about following football, basketball, hockey (extra yikes!), and baseball. My straight guy friends (they’re rare – 9/10 of my friends are hot chicks) hate on me endlessly for being “anti-sports,” a befitting description of me since my early twenties. Shockingly, many of my gay guy friends have a ton more interest in following sports than even I do. Somehow, I fake it pretty good when engaging sports fanatics with seemingly endless conversations at the bar.
The only reason I care about the Kentucky Derby, is because it’s yet another excuse to drink a classic cocktail.
Broken Glass… It Doesn’t Do a Body Good
May 3rd, 2013
Note to bar owners: spring for behind-the-bar dishwashers and/or a proper dishroom. Washing glasses by hand, in your classic three-sink setup, leads to inevitable minor (and sometimes major – as seen) injuries due to hidden broken glass behind all those bubbles and murky waters. When busy, or when washed by less than O.C.D. barbacks, hand-washing also leaves a not so pleasant film on all your glasses. That’s an issue that gets progressively worse as the bar liveliness ramps up, and as the hours tick by without changing wash and rinse waters. Yum! Mucho gusto el extra flavor in cocktails!
Cocktail Basics: Bloody Hell! Bloody Mary for Dummies
April 27th, 2013
Ahh… the time-honored Bloody Mary. This cocktail has been with us for an eternity. Even today, it’s as wildly popular as ever. Yet for some reason, most of us have it in our heads that this buzz-inducing, yet seemingly health-conscious concoction, should only reasonably be consumed on Saturday and Sundays before dark (a.k.a., Brunch). Where’d that idea come from?
This is one of those standard cocktails that every barkeep – from the buffoon at your hog-roast/bait-n-tackle shop on the Gulf Coast, to the master mixologist at the Occidental – must be intimately familiar with. Despite the commonality, like a dozen or so other standards, bartenders routinely muck this drink up for some odd reason. Typically, their establishments (a) use gasp – use commercial Bloody Mary mix – perish the thought or (b) they’re so disengaged, that they’ve become much more interested in pumping out a sub-par drink and moving on, than creating repeat business by offering exceptional cocktails. From my experience, “b” is far more pronounced a problem.
Ghetto Can Opener
April 25th, 2013
When your dumb ass has lost the bar’s last can opener and you’re in the weeds, there’s only one sure-fire way to open #5 tin cans – a nicely squared, steel corner of a nearby cooler. We’ve all been there. Ill-advised or not, slam the end of the can into the corner, hopefully opening a good-sized gash like the one above. Pull back quickly and you’ll lose maybe an ounce or two of content. Don’t try this at home folks… you’ll destroy your counter tops and create one sticky hell of a mess on your residential floor.
The can is perfectly clean. What you’re seeing is just gooey, particulate-laden, post-pour, Pineapple goodness on the lid.
DISCLAIMER: I’m not claiming this is what I practice. It’s just a demonstration of Bartender-Survival-Fu in emergency situations. Among other health code requirements, you must have a proper can opener, gloves, tongs, etc. at your bar at all times.
Failblog: Aarmaan’s Black Booster Whiskey
April 22nd, 2013
Black Booster Whisky
Today’s Advertising Fail: Witness Kadco “Brewery” and it’s fine, fine Black Booster ”Whiskey.” Its cost: $3.65 per 5 liters (1.3 U.S. gallons). I don’t know which denomination/currency this is was quoted in. But, whichever it happens to be, it’s damned cheap.
Quality control:
Other practical uses:
Dipsology Waxes on Cocktail Balance With The Sasha Petraske Empire
April 18th, 2013
Within the bartending and retro-bar (read: Speakeasy) circles of New York City, one person’s name is uttered more than most as having been the most influential in recent years. That name – the man – is Sasha Petraske. I don’t know a ton about the guy. But, I do know a ton about his venues and reach. I’m a huge fan and infrequent guest. To say he’s had a slight impact on the “haute-imbibery” (which few might describe as douchebaggery in some cases) would be akin to denoting Danny Meyer – and his Union Square Hospitality Group – has had a “small role” in shaping the downtown NYC dining scene. Rather, these folks are 10,000 pound, gargantuan elephants in Hospitality in terms of influence.
