The Harsh Realities of Bartending

So you want to be a bartender, huh? Reality is not the movies. Tom Cruise you are not. Review this checklist then let me know if you’re still up for the job.

1. Relationships. Check your commitments at the door. Working a bar is no place for people who value committed relationships. If you have a GF, BF, wife, husband – whatever, with certain “expectations,” each and every shift and all of your co-worker outings will be a strength test of the greatest magnitude. That’s cuz bartenders have to deal with “Ass Everywhere.” Easy pickin’s is de rigueur – a known occupational hazard.

2. You Can’t Remember 3 or 4 Drink orders. You can’t function as a proper bartender if you memory sucks balls. You don’t get to roll up to customers with a Dupe Pad, noting down their drink orders.

3. You’re Hard of Hearing. You must become a grand master at lip reading and body language. Loud music, loud people, foreign accents, a bar 3-deep, staff barking orders in the background all conspire to torpedo normal customer communication.

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