Ordering Fail – Hanes Dude

Jean-Luc Picard Facepalm

I work at a high-end establishment. I mean, 75% of the chicks could pass for strippers. They sport the most sizzling short-shorts and skimpy dresses you’ve ever seen. Five inch wedges and platforms are the only shoe seen. Boobage intentionally spilling out is de rigueur. Most of the guys keep tabs open with Amex Black Cards and have titles like Dr., Esq., and Phd. If they don’t have titles, they either some kind of sole proprietorship ( jewelers, rug importers, etc.) or are traders and hedge fund managers. There is rarely one guy during the week who isn’t sporting a long-sleeve, fresh-pressed button shirt or a full suit.

The price of admission to this circle is steep. One great thing about high-end, high-priced bars is that the frequency with which trashy, broke, problem-causing losers get in is inversely proportional to cost and exclusivity (for the most part). That’s not to say that there aren’t douchebags among the highly-educated and wealthy set – of course there are. But, there are far fewer.

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The Bro

POTUS Bro (Black Bro growed up), Bieb-Bro (Bro in training), Icing Bro and Funnel Bro

Bros – a bartender’s favorite type of customer – not. A Bro is held in such rarefied regard, that he gets his own, dedicated post.

What’s a “Bro” you ask? Bro, is short for “brother.” You can look at him as the White guy version of a Black Man’s “son.”

A Bro is a recent college grad, a retarded 5th year undergrad, or an even more retarded post-college 20-something year old loser. Bros are white guys – WASPy – usually of non-practicing Christian descent from places like (a) Ardsley, Katonah, and Dix Hills, NY (b) Randolph and Wayne, NJ and (c) various wealthy Connecticut enclaves. They make up part of the weekend NYC Bridge and Tunnel set. However, they can sometimes be found sharing a Craigslist Special, 3 or 4 in a bunch, living in certain areas of Manhattan and Brooklyn during the early stages of graduation from Bro to Douchebag (Bro’s often graduate to Douchebags with age). Their pads are sparsely furnished, fridges devoid of food (except for ketchup, WonderBread and O.J.), and the floors are littered with week-old empty pizza cartons and bugaboo-filled empty beer cans.

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