86 This Booze – Les Cochons Edition

Les Francais – ahhh! I heart most things French. I’m fluent in the language. I’ve been there several times. Many relatives of mine call France home and I’m partly descended from our infamously frog leg-loving brethren. I’d pick my dumbass up and move there in a hearbeat if I had the balls and wherewithal to uproot my family.  The culture is beyond exquisite, the food supremely brilliant and the lifestyle (focus on socialization, eating and relaxation) is the best thing this side of the Pearly Gates.

However, when it comes to France’s mass-produced liquor industry, Old World charm, and attention to detail, have given way to greed on a grand scale. At least, that’s the case for the shit that Big Business has been pushing on us Americans over the last decade or so.

With that, let’s take a look at some brands you should – um – perhaps reconsider carrying. Eh.. to each his own I guess. This is simply my rant on what I’ve come to loathe serving over the years and what will never be carried in the bar where, one day, I will call myself proprietor.

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Tito Beveridge – Tito’s Texas Vodka

Uh yeah.  That’s the dude’s real name.  Go figure.  If you’ve read my other vodka posts #1 and #2, you may have heard mention of this guy and his hooch.  I’m a sucker for an underdog, a great rags-to-riches story, and most of all – thumbing my nose at the mainstream.  I’m continually rolling my eyes and internally fuming, each and every time someone asks for Ciroc or Goose.  Help me – please.

I again blame the greedy French and their Madison Ave public relation goons for selling out to “brands” like Diddy, P.Diddy, Puffy, Puff Daddy, Spiffy, P.Combs, No Combs, No J.Lo, or whatever Prince-inspired name change he comes out with tomorrow.  I’m a firm believer that there is an inverse relationship to quality and quantity once a product turns extremely popular and mass-market.   

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Vodka Review: The Good, the Bad and the Overrated

If there was ever a question as to my reaction, my baffled look, why I seemingly throw attitude, why I give slight pause, or even why my face muscles determine it’s a good time to throw an Oh-God-360 when someone tries to order a Ciroc and something, look no further than the exhibit to your right.  

Poor Hennessey, Ciroc, Hpnotiq, Alize and even Grey Goose.  French distillers, for reasons inexplicable to me, seem to love, love, love being associated with the goofy side of Hip-Hop culture.  <Flame_on>, but it seems to me that having moronic, headline-grabbing (for the wrong reasons) ass-clowns hawk your products, by agreement or involuntarily (think wasted Kanye chugging a bottle of Henny-hen-hen at the MTV awards), would be a detriment to your fine brand and image, no?  My sentiments have nothing to do with race as there are overexposed idiots of white, black, Aisian and Hispanic flavors. Diddy, Paris Hilton, Kanye, and Kim Kardashian all come to mind immediately.  But, I guess I’m in the minority here as this seems to be the trend pour nôtres amis Français in the last few years.  I’m guessing they view it as good short-term marketing in a down economy. Long-term, I would never sign on the dotted line if it were my age-old, historic distillery. I’d more like, you know, fire my entire marketing staff instead.

I, for one, actually enjoy an occasional glass of Alize.  In addition, I almost always finish my dinner outings with a slightly warm glass or two of, not Hennessy,  but Martell Cordon Bleu (yum!), when and where I can find it.  It’s either that or a Romana Sambuca (Black preferably) and a double-espresso.

Yeah, yeah, I digress… and I know times are tough for many of us. That said, if you must drink this bland vodka stuff, I beg of you not to drink the crap varieties. They will only make you sick in quantity unlike finer (not necessarily expensive) hooch. Educate yourself.  Let’s look at a “most excellent, dude” vodka review – one that I’m in fully agreement with and is impeccably written.  It’s especially meaningful to be because when I do rarely decide to partake in vodka, I typically opt for Stoli.  This one’s again written by our fellow barkeep Dave down in gun-hating, crack-loving D.C.  Visit his blog for the full review

In my last post, I talked about vodka in general. Here, we’re going to talk about some different brands and I’m going to discuss their quality. Again, a lot of this is my opinion, however a well informed one, and not the absolute truth. The point of this article is to point people in a direction and provide them a foundation to form their own opinions by giving my interpretation and a bunch of facts, which has been informed by lots of different sources and research, instead of just marketing, guessing or just not knowing, which is the norm.

There are loads of different choices for vodka out there- it’s the most heavily consumed liquor in the US. So how do you choose which to order? Hopefully by now, you have given up the rail brands and this question has come into your mind once or twice.

So lets get into it!

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