Service Bar: Cocktail Waitress Hell


Hell hath no fury like that of a service bar printer gone wild. Dupes down to the floor and another stack of “chads” hanging by one’s lips. Round after round of 20 lemon drops (all with sugared rims), followed by 20 B52s (all layered – I kid you not), all evening long for bachelorettes. Getting yelled at by waitstaff for “slow” drink service, spilled sticky liquors all over your arms, bleeding fingers and running out of various key spirits at the most inopportune times. All the while, one guest to whom you’ve just handed a check presenter, insists he didn’t have half the drinks on his tab and demands a refund. A manager is nowhere in sight and conveniently neglected to offer you a walkie-talkie that evening. Another guest, simultaneously demands 4 Mojitos and and 3 Lychee Martinis of you. a Welcome to hell, otherwise known as the Service Bar.

With that, let’s look at some of the cocktail waitress heiresses you’ll often run into. Our buddy Caveman first tackled this list last year in The Top Ten Most Annoying Cocktail Waitresses.

1. The Napkin Stuffer – She’s an efficient waitress. She always follows The Steps of Service with an eagle’s eye on her tables. Nary will she let a 1/3 full glass lie unguarded without either (a) offering [trying to sell] another drink or (b) snagging the empties, wiping down the table and generally – trying to turn the table over. There’s only one problem. The Napkin Stuffer has no concept of the garbage can or bus bin. Stuffing trash in empty glasses, then stacking them on the bar (or dishroom) for someone else to deal with is her modus operandi. She loves to stack the bartop with glasses full of chicken wing bones, used gum, and crusty bev-naps, in an attempt to “enhance” the ambiance for your bar guests. As you might expect, she wants nothing less than to make it really easy for barbacks and bartenders to process dirty glasses. What a lovely sight to behold.

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