Martini Order Fail

Two cute girls sit down at the bar… (no, this is not a prelude to a joke).  I casually stroll over, drink menus in hand and sporting a flirty grin.

[Me] Hi there! How’s it going? Do you know what you’d like or would you a couple of minutes to look at our drink menu?

[Cute Girl A] I dunno.  What do you want?

[Cute Girl B] Uhhh.. uhh…. I dunno. What should we have?

[Me][Pointing to a section on our menu] These are some of our most popular drinks [rattling off suggestions]

[Me] Give me an idea of what you usually drink or like and I can give you some direction.  Do you like dry/sweet, creamy, bubbly?  Do you like whiskies, dry wines, fruity drinks? 

Continue reading

Coke and Rum

Saturday night, 2:30 a.m.  Slow night and I’m leaning on the bar, contemplating the possibility of subsistence living on Kepler 22b, the probability of finding some form of hot chick there, the dream of living Bloomberg-free – throwing my guns in the air, and the moral turpitude of ditching my family for this brave new extraterrestrial world…

Skinny-ass little punk rolls right up to me and the following stupidity ensues:

[Me] Hi there! What can I get you?

[Kid] Gimme a Coke and Rum

[Me] You mean a Rum and Coke?

[Kid] No. I wanna a Coke and Rum

[Me] No, you want a Rum and Coke.

[Kid] No. I wanna Coke and Rum.

[Me][Following 15 seconds of blank staring] Can I see your id please?

[Kid][Does a mouth snap/tisk, pats down all his pockets in an apparent act of looking for his wallet] I forgot it. Thanks anyway.

[Me][Back to Wanderlust. Mental note to blog]

Ordering Drinks

This is intended for customers…

Many folks, quite often, aren’t sure what they’d like to drink when they walk in.  That’s fine.  If the place has one, ask for a drink menu and/or scan the back bar’s inventory.  When you’re ready, make eye contact with the bartender and state your order.

If you’re with a party of 2, 3, 4 or so, DO NOT order until you have all decided what you’d like.  If not, you make the bartender’s life miserable; particularly if the bar is busy and he/she has to make something time consuming one after the other rather than making them all at once (2 Mojitos and 2 Pina Coladas for example).

Continue reading